“You’ll be okay.” or “You are okay.”
“But you’re so happy all the time, you can’t be depressed.”
“What do you have to be depressed about? When I was your age I went through…”
“Are you sure your ready? Ya’know because of your depression.”
“You’re so young though”
“You’re so successful though”
“Just take a happy pill.”
“You’re not depressed; you’re just tired/sad/not getting enough support/a new mom…etc.”
“Get over it!”
“Just choose to be happy.”
These are only examples of the Stigmas of Depression. There are many Social Stigmas around Mental Health, but today we’re focusing on Depression. To quote Google, “Social Stigma is the disapproval of or discrimination against a person based on perceivable social characteristics that serve to distinguish them from other members of a society.” From my understanding and what I’ve been told, my Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain.
It is the lack of knowledge, misunderstanding, and these stigmas that invalidate those that struggle with this very real disorder. Just because someones episode is inconveniencing your life in a moment doesn’t make what they are feeling invalid; Depression is an inconvenience to everyone in its path. The biggest effecting stigma that I’ve found is that “a weak personality causes depression.” The sole thought that Depression makes us lesser people or incapable of living a “normal” life. It’s this stigma that follow us daily. It’s this way of thinking that can make how we are feeling stronger. It is this way of thinking that causes a person to think that they are a burden, that the world would be better off without them. The stigmas of depression is a huge issue and that’s why we need to be more open about mental health in general! Depression is a medical condition, not a personal flaw or weakness.
I'm not afraid of sharing my stories, but because of my openness there is always those people that say, "if you really had that then you couldn't be talking about it." The reason mental illness is so socially bad is the lack of talking about it! It is important to let people know that they are not alone! DEPRESSION DOES NOT HAVE JUST ONE FACE; everybody suffers/struggles with depression differently.
Learn about depression. The better you understand what causes depression, how it affects people and how it can be treated, the better you'll be able to talk to and help the person you care about.
Have a conversation. Ask questions.
BUT don’t be offended if that person doesn’t want to share. You’re asking about a very personal part of them.
Ask if they have someone they can talk to.
This opens up the conversation for seeking professional help.
DO NOT up front suggest they see a professional.
Just listening and being understanding can be a powerful healing tool. Let them know that you want to understand how he or she feels. When the person wants to talk, listen carefully, but avoid giving advice, opinions or passing judgments. People with depression judge themselves harshly and find fault in everything they do. Remind them about his or her positive qualities and how much the person means to you and others.
Ask if there is a particular task that you could take on or just simply ask, “how can I help?” Make Plans. Ask them to join you on a walk, see a movie with you, or work with you on a hobby or other activity he or she previously enjoyed - BUT - do not try to force the person into doing something.
Finally, be patient. Depression symptoms can improve with treatment, but it will take time. Recovery is possible. Finding the best treatment may require trying more than one type of medication or treatment approach. For myself, medication doesn’t help.
My depression can come in several phases.
First, my episodes are accompanied by my severe anxiety and mild OCD. I start to second guess everything I do and intrusive thoughts start taking over. I start seeing myself through the eyes of what I believe everyone else sees and then start feeling like a burden or lazy. Nobody is actually saying anything to me; it’s all in my head. These intrusive thoughts start telling me that I am not enough. Calling me stupid for feeling nothing and everything at the same time. I get in this mindset where I start to think, "I can't get help; help is for the physically ill; I don't look sick; they won't believe me." Everyday turns into a nightmare because no matter how hard I try not to listen, it doesn’t matter, so I just go numb.
Going numb will change my personality. Meaning my eyes will look sunken and my spirit will be little to none. My ability to function with normal everyday tasks will become lackluster. I’ll try to fight it by continuing my everyday routines. I’ll have an alarm set for everything I need to do.
Weekday morning alarms:
6:00 am - wake up
6:30 am - please wake up
7:00 am - your dogs need to be taken out and fed
7:45 am - you need to shower/get ready for work
8:15 am - you need to leave for work now.
8:20 am - don’t forget to lock the door.
Weekend morning alarms:
7:00 am - your dogs regular scheduled morning potty
7:45 am - your Service Dog is nudging you to get up
8:15 am - please, take your dogs out and feed them
Everyday alarms:
1:20 pm - think about what you want for lunch
2:30 pm - have you eaten?
7:05 pm - have you thought about dinner?
8:10 pm - It’s time to take your dogs out for night potty.
8:30 pm - doggy dinner time!
10:00 pm - get ready for bed
10:30 pm - Go to sleep.
I follow this routine in a daze until it becomes increasingly harder to even hold a smile. Somedays I wont even want to get out of bed, but I fight it by moving myself into another room. I will have dishes molding in my sink. My trash will become three bags full. My clean laundry will sit on my bed unfolded and every night I will push it out of the way to go to sleep. Dirty laundry will lay piling everywhere.
It is in these times that I am most vulnerable to falling into a CPTSD flashback, but we can expand on that experience in another entry.
Lastly, an over flow of emotions will come over me. Crying all the time. Triggered by the smallest things. All the emotions that I let fill me during my intrusive phase have finally cracked my walls. I find it’s better if I just let it all out, so I find myself sitting alone and crying a lot. But I know that each time I come out of an episode I am a little stronger. I will be okay.
Find ways to smile: People ask me why I take so many selfies. The answer to that is simple. It makes me smile.
I am genuinely happy most of the time. I smile around people because when I'm out in the world I see everything as beautiful, even in the places that people normally wouldn't look for beauty, and it makes me smile. Everyone is different. Everyone is special. I smile because even on my worst day, the simple act of it can brighten someone else's day. It's my dream to help people. If something as simple as smiling can do that and it'll help my depression along the way, then it's what I'll do.
People think that depression equals weakness, but in all reality it’s a huge test of a person’s strength. There will always be people that don't understand, but it is up to us to educate. If they chose to not listen, that is okay. At least you tried, but don't let that one ignorant person be the key to your lock. It’s okay not to be okay as long as you don’t give up your will to fight it. If that light at the end of the tunnel ever starts to dim or fade, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. You deserve to be happy.
Having a disability whether it be physical, mental, or invisible does not stop you from living unless you let it. It only means you live life different and that's okay. It's okay to be different.
Don't give up on yourself. Your life is worth fighting for.
Start taking pride in the little things you do:
You got out of bed today? I am proud of you!
You put on deodorant today? I am proud of you!
You took a breath today? I am so proud of you!
Don’t be afraid to share these moments with someone. Find a person that you feel comfortable keeping you accountable.
To that person: If someone reaches out to you for help, please don’t turn a blind eye on them. They chose you to open up to for a reason. Make sure they know how much you care. Make sure they know how proud of them you are. Sometimes a little validation can save a life. Depression isn't always easily noticed, but suicide can be prevented if you LISTEN. I've lost too many friends in this lifetime because even though we heard them, nobody was truly listening.
Though I am not a professional by any means - if you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me. Let’s get through this together.
Email me at: bementallyloud@gmail.com; I am also linking Depression Hotlines at the end of this entry.
YOU ARE ENOUGH | YOU ARE LOVED | YOU ARE NOT ALONE
SAMHSA’s National Helpline call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline call 1-(800)-273‑TALK (8255) or click this link for a Live Online Chat.
This 24-hour suicide prevention helpline specializes in handling all situations related to suicide and emotional distress
Trevor Project Lifeline call 1-(866)-488-7386
Hotline for LGBT youth
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor (USA & Canada)
UK text HOME to 85258
Ireland text HOME to 50808
People call helplines for a variety of reasons, but most often reach out to them when feeling overwhelmed, in crisis, or at risk of doing something they may later regret (such as a suicide attempt). Talking to someone at a depression hotline can help. It can help relieve the overwhelming feeling of being stressed out and without options.