What is My Disability?
My diagnosis is called “Vocal Disorder.” It’s a verbal language learning disability paired with a comprehension disorder. This means that my brain processes EVERYTHING differently. I struggle to comprehend all forms of communication including reading, writing, spelling, hearing, remembering, and comprehensively communicating (i.e. talking). In addition to that, I also have Attention Deficit Disorder, commonly known as ADD.
It wasn’t until I was applying for colleges that I found out the name of what I’d been struggling with for years, so all through grade school, I didn’t know if my disability had an “official” diagnosed name or not. My thought is, either the school system was intentionally holding back information, or they were genuinely unaware of what the disability was; I don’t know.
While letting my family read this entry, I discovered that there is a physical disability having to do with my brain and eye muscles. My family can’t recall the “official” diagnosed name, but basically my eye muscles were so weak that focusing on one thing would strain them. I don’t know anymore information about it, but I thought it should be noted because it explains just how much more my brain was working overtime. We are unaware if this is still an issue, but I can say that it explains A LOT. This might explain why my eyes always hurt; I don’t know.
Family Member’s Quote: “You went to many doctors for your eyes. Your doctors all said that the more you exercise the muscles the better you would get, but you would have tears streaming down your face just trying to focus on one word. You used so much of your brain trying to focus on each word that by the time you read an actual paragraph, you did not have any comprehension of what you just read.”
A Diagnosis:
Picture this: A second grader staying up until 2am trying to finish the assigned homework that her peers have already completed in class, and coming to school the next morning with unfinished work. Imagine having your mother needing to write notes to your teacher explaining that, once again, you’ll be coming to school without completing your homework. The following year, third grade came and I was tested and evaluated with Adaptive Behavior Assessments. I don’t recall the specific tests I took, but following the evaluations, I entered into the Adaptive-Needs Program (also known as Special Ed) with an IEP. The Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) is a plan or program developed to ensure that a child who has a disability receives specialized instruction and related services.
How Was My Schooling Different?
There are several types of Cognitive Disabilities, and mine fell under the less “severe” umbrella. I was able to stay in the classes that I was accustomed to, but received extra help from my Adaptive Needs Counselor (who changed per school). Instead of attending “homeroom,” like my peers, I would spend that time with my counselor, later to be known as my Case-Counselor. Each case-counselor had a different content area specialty to make sure that there was at least one person that could help you if you’re assigned case-counselor wasn’t proficient in the area were you struggle. Basically meaning that you always had help if needed.
School had to be taken day-by-day. I had accommodations such as having books read to me, taking my tests in a separate room, extended time to finish tests and assignments, or shortened versions of homework. Because of this, though, that meant I was often behind the rest of my class, so I tried to do as much as I could of the original assignments to keep up with the rest of my classmates. If you were lucky, you’d have a case-counselor in your classroom to give you typed out versions of the teachers notes if needed. Some subjects were difficult for me, especially those involving memorization. History was one of these. My memory is not good, so I adapted to this by writing down everything that I could so that I could study my notes outside of school. The way I study is by rewriting my notes over and over again. The problem is, I couldn’t write down everything, and having ADD, I often “spaced out,” so there would be significant gaps in my notes. However, Math was my favorite because it involved only numbers. It is when words were involved (word problems, story problems, etc.) that I began to struggle.
Examples of Accommodations?
First we tried medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder to help me focus in class. Unfortunately, that didn’t work, but with the focus it took to manage my learning disability I was able to better manage my ADD (outside of school was a different story). As for my learning disability some days were better than others. Some good, some bad, but all dependent on how I was feeling and what was going on that day, and, because I am already prone to migraines, this didn’t help the cause; It only made it worse, so it really did depend on if I was up for reading a book myself or if I needed it read to me while I followed along.
When I say that this disability puts an immense strain on my brain, let me elaborate a little bit and give you an example of what you all would consider a “normal” conversation. I may hear every word you say to me, but my brain cannot process your words fast enough, so sometimes I will not catch the full conversation. Usually I can piece together enough of what you said in order for me to respond, but sometimes I will need you to repeat yourself. Now picture having to repeat yourself three or four times. Annoying right?
Over the years, I learned that if I look at the your mouth while you are talking to me, I am able to process the conversation a lot faster. No, I’m not a lip reader, but it just helps to have a visual of your words as I am hearing them. This is why I often needed people to read books aloud. Seeing someone else’s lips move, combined with hearing his/her voice, helps me visualize the words that I was reading. This made things easier on my brain.
How Was Grade School Different Than College?
College is much different. For most people, it’s up to you to advocate for your own adaptive needs. When I was looking into colleges (and found a good fit), thankfully my case-counselor was able to make my transition from high school to college a bit easier. I was set up with an organization (Voc. Rehab) that helped people navigate life after High School. In grade school, these adaptations were my rights, and my case-counselor made sure I was given them. Voc. Rehab made sure I still qualified for this help in college and for those that chose to not go to college, they were there to help find accommodating employment. Voc. Rehab got me into the Adaptive Needs Department at University (my school called it Eldridge), but when classes started it was up to me to request what exactly I needed. You will have a case-manager in college, but unlike high school, they do not attend your classes and they have hundreds of other students. They were there to help you with conflicts and scheduling each semester.
I took the time to really understand what helped me in High School. I knew that college had bigger classes, so I requested to have a note taker in the classes I knew I would have a hard time following: History, Science, and Literature. I made sure my professors knew me and that I was in the Adaptive Needs Program. I took all of my tests in Eldridge at a scheduled time. It was up to me to schedule my test in Eldridge, otherwise I would have to take my tests in the classroom with the rest of the class which meant no extra time and no test reader. I requested audio books for all of my text books so that I would have an audio copy and a physical copy of my books.
How Does This Effect Me Today?
I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am in life. There were several people growing up that told me that I was incompetent or that I wouldn’t make it, but that only fueled my drive. Now-a-days most people have no idea that there is even a problem.
But, it’s still here. It takes me a bit longer to read every day things like documents, emails and menus. I occasionally still need people to repeat themselves. I write down everything I’m told to do and then double check my notes to verify I got everything. I pretty much just triple check everything I do. I don’t like communicating over the phone. It puts a lot of strain on my brain focussing on what is being said, processing it and responding without the other person thinking that the line dropped, so I prefer written communication (i.e. texting, email or social media). I have a work brain and an off work brain. My off work brain has really bad memory. I forget where I put A LOT of things. I misplace my phone and keys more than anyone I know. Due to years of overworking my brain, I get chronic migraines about 3 times a week and at the end of most days my eyes are crying in pain. With every year, my brain get more exhausted, but a good remedy is fresh air, sun light, and a good nights sleep.
Currently, we are in a pandemic (COVID-19). It is mandatory to wear masks, so I no longer have the ability to look at peoples mouths when they talk to me. Patience is essential right now.
If I have forgotten anything, I’ll make a new entry on the topic.