Entry #4: OCD
PLEASE LET ME START OFF BY SAYING THAT THIS IS THROUGH MY PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE; I AM NOT A DOCTOR.
Picture credit unknown. Photo description: the photo above is described as a typography cloud. It uses a sans-serif font and highlights words by there size and color. For example, the word “obsessive” is the biggest word written in black with slightly smaller words around it written in red: disorder, compulsive, fear… etc. The words get smaller and alternate between black, shades of red, shades of orange, and yellow. The overall shape that these compiled words form a cloud.
A high-functioning person’s perspective: learning about her diagnoses
Recently in 2019, I was formally diagnosed with mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with my diagnoses leaning more on the obsessive side than being compulsive. What that means is I can obsess over things/people/situations to the point where it causes immense stress and anxiety. I do have some compulsive traits, but it is more my obsessive disposition that qualified me to be diagnosed. As I learn more about OCD, I have really learned more about myself and better understood my past actions. If you would like to know some of what I’m talking about, please read my decade in review post. BUT also, I’ve discovered that this disorder is greatly misunderstood. I will be the first to admit that I am guilty for being ignorant about it.
This disorder effects people differently!
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder isn’t just about keeping your space clean and in a very certain manner. Not every person with this disorder is a “neat freak.” I am of prime example. For those that cleanliness is a part of their disorder, it can become all-consuming. Someone with OCD is controlled by their thoughts and behaviors; OCD can interfere with relationships. It often causes fights with others who don't understand your inflexibility and leaves you upset when you can't control your environment. Although some types of OCD are easily visible because of physical symptoms, many are not. OCD tends to be a very secretive disorder. Mine for example took years to even be diagnosed. Between having severe anxiety and C-PTSD it had just been placed in those categories.
If you don’t have it, please keep it out of your half witted jokes. I do not suggest that we never laugh at our struggles; finding humor in the darkness can be a guiding light. It’s the inaccurate jokes that get in the way of people having any real understanding of this disorder. For example: “I’m so OCD.” OCD is not a joke.
“OCD isn’t ‘that bad’, you should be grateful.”
This belief is completely misguided. It's not constructive to start comparing how "bad" one illness is relative to another, but it’s important to remember that the World Health Organization ranked OCD as among the top ten most disabling illnesses, in terms of diminished quality of life and loss of earnings. Although that doesn’t mean that everyone with OCD is the same, again, this disorder effects people differently. While some sufferers can often become housebound, and cease to be able to live anything resembling a normal life, others can live very high functioning lives. There is treatment that can help you live with this disorder. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a therapy where you consider how thinking in other ways, and responding to obsessional thoughts differently, can positively change the way you behave. It has been clinically shown to be effective.
My coping mechanisms for OCD:
I am an advocate for finding a way to use what you have to better yourself. Other’s that have these illnesses may not like people to think that “BLANK illness can be useful,” but honestly, it’s a part of me, so I embrace it. At work, for example, I let my obsessive behavior take over a project, because then I know I will be giving 110% of myself to my work. When I feel myself getting too obsessive and too in my head I will start using my coping mechanisms for anxiety to ground me back down. It’s mentally exhausting by the end of the day, but I’m ok with that. For me, the compulsive aspect of my OCD to check my work, which in my line of work a misspelled work can cost thousands of dollars to fix. I use mental rituals (like counting or checking) to attempt to ‘neutralize’ an obsessional thought. Another example of how I am compulsive: I have to triple check that doors are locked before I’m able to leave. Meaning I have to hear my car horn beep three times before I’m okay to leave it or I have to physically walk back to my door, jiggle the handle and push on the door to make sure it’s locked before I am okay to leave it.
Please stay tuned if you would like to know more about how I cope with Anxiety, Depression, TTM, and C-PTSD. These tips and tricks also helped with my OCD.